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HAS SOMEONE ELSE'S DRINKING CREATED CHAOS IN YOUR LIFE?
OR
ARE YOU TROUBLED BY
SOMEONE’S DRINKING?
Many of us arrived at the doors of Al-Anon without hope and
lives filled with chaos. For the millions of people
affected by the excessive drinking of someone close to them,
every day can be fraught with bitterness, sadness and fear
as they guard themselves against the effects of drinking.
In
Al-Anon and Alateen, we discovered new ways to look at some
of the same situations and hope was restored, Al-Anon is a
worldwide fellowship of more than 600,000 relatives and
friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength
and hope in order to solve their common problems. Al-Anon
members suggest you ask yourself the following questions:
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Do you worry about how much someone else drinks?
-
Do you have money
problems because of someone else’s drinking?
-
Do you tell lies to
cover up for someone else’s drinking?
-
Do you feel that if the
drinker cared about you, he or she would stop drinking to
please you?
-
Do you blame the
drinker’s behavior on his or her companions?
-
Are plans
frequently upset or canceled or meals delayed because of
the drinker?
-
Do you make
threats, such as “If you don’t stop drinking, I’ll leave
you”?
-
Do you secretly try
to smell the drinker’s breath?
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Are you afraid to
upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
-
Have you been hurt
or embarrassed by a drinker’s behavior?
-
Are holidays and
gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
-
Have you considered
calling the police for help in fear of abuse?
-
Do you search for
hidden alcohol?
-
Do you ever ride
in a car with a driver who has been drinking?
-
Have you refused
social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
-
Do you feel like a failure because you can't control the drinking?
-
Do you think that
if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems
would be solved?
-
Do you ever
threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?
-
Do you feel angry,
confused or depressed most of the time?
-
Do you feel there
is no one who understands your problems?
Al-Anon is a safe, confidential place where it is understood
how people can love and hate the alcoholic at the same
time. Al-Anon helps to make sense out of the confusion that
families are consumed with when living with or caring for a
problem drinker. Through its Twelve Steps, adapted from
Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon members learn to focus on
themselves and turn negative situations into positive energy
that is physically, mentally and spiritually nurturing.
“One of the wonderful benefits of working the Al-Anon
program is learning how to relax. Until now, most of my
life sped by in a frenzy of activity, School, work,
projects, obligations, all helped me focus outward. That
way I didn’t have to rest long enough to feel how frightful
my home life was,” writes an Al-Anon member.
A
member from New York also writes, “Little by little, I made
a life of my own. I started by going on mini-vacations,
visiting friends for a weekend. Before Al-Anon I was afraid
to do anything. I was scared of my own shadow. The program
has given me confidence, self-worth, a renewed faith in a
Higher Power and much gratitude.”
Al-Anon is not a religious program. It is fully
self-supporting. There are 27,000 groups worldwide,
including more than 2,800 Alateen groups for teenage
members. If you are concerned about someone else’s
drinking, make it your resolution to contact Al-Anon or
Alateen
DID YOU GROW UP WITH A PROBLEM DRINKER? Al-Anon
is for families, relatives, and friends whose lives have been affected
by someone else's drinking. If someone close to you, such as a
family member, friend, co-worker, or neighbor, has or has had a
drinking problem, the following questions may help you determine if
Al-Anon is for you? - Do you constantly seek approval and affirmation?
- Do you fail to recognize your accomplishments?
- Do you fear criticism?
- Do you overextend yourself?
- Have you had problems with your own compulsive behavior?
- Do you have a need for perfection?
- Are you uneasy when your life is going smoothly, continually anticipating problems?
- Do you feel more alive in the midst of a crisis?
- Do you still feel responsible for others, as you did for the problem drinker in your life?
- Do you care for others easily, yet find it difficult to care for yourself?
- Do you isolate yourself from other people?
- Do you respond with fear to authority figures and angry people?
- Do you feel that individuals and society in general are taking advantage of you?
- Do you have trouble with intimate relationships?
- Do you confuse pity with love, as you did with the problem drinker?
- Do you attract and/or seek people who tend to be compulsive and/or abusive?
- Do you cling to relationships because you are afraid of being alone?
- Do you often mistrust your own feelings and the feelings expressed by others?
- Do you find it difficult to identify and express your emotions?
- Do you think someone else's drinking may have affected you?
Alcoholism
is a family disease. Those of us who have lived with this disease
as children sometimes have problems which the Al-Anon program can help
us to resolve. If you have answered yes to any of the above
questions, Al-Anon may help.
Alateen – 20 Questions
Has Your Life Been Affected By Someone Else's Drinking? Alateen Is for You! Alateen
is for young people whose lives have been affected by someone else's
drinking. Sometimes active drinking has stopped, or the active drinker
may not live with us anymore. Even though the alcohol may be gone
and the alcoholic gone or recovering in AA, we are still affected.
Many of us have received help from Alateen or Al-Anon. The
following 20 questions are to help you decide whether or not Alateen is
for you.
1.
Do you believe no one could possibly understand how you feel?
2.
Do you cover up your real
feelings by pretending you don’t care?
3.
Do you feel neglected, uncared for, or unloved?
4.
Do you tell lies to cover up for
someone else’s drinking or what’s happening in your home?
5.
Do you stay out of the house as
much as possible because you hate it there?
6.
Are you afraid or embarrassed to bring your friends home?
7.
Has someone's drinking upset you?
8.
Are mealtimes, birthdays and holidays spoiled because of drinking or other's reactions to the drinking?
9.
Are you afraid to speak up for fear the drinking or fighting with start again?
10.
Do you think the drinker's behavior is caused by you, other members of your family, friends, or rotten breaks in life?
11.
Do you make make threats such as, "If you don't stop drinking and fighting, I'll run away?
12. Do
you make promises about behavior, such as I'll "get better grades," or
"keep my room clean," or "do anything you want," in exchange for a
promise that the drinking and fighting with stop?
13.
Do you feel that if the drinker loved you, she or he would stop drinking?
14.
Do you ever threaten or actually hurt yourself to scare the drinker into saying, "I'm sorry," or "I love you"?
15.
Do you or your family have money problems
because of someone else’s drinking?
16.
Are you scared to ride in a car with the drinker?
17.
Have you considered calling the
police because of abusive behavior?
18.
Do you avoid dating or having close friends because they may find out about the drinking or fighting?
19.
Do you think your problems would
be solved if the drinking stopped?
20.
Do you ever treat teachers, friends, teammates, etc. unjustly because
you are angry about some else's drinking?
If you answered yes to any of these questions,
Alateen may help you.
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